-Jesus better hurry up and come back soon, because his tricks are becoming more and more outdated. Like, turning water into wine is cool and all, but David Copperfield made a spaceship disappear. A fucking spaceship. Oh, you can walk on water Jesus? Cool, I'll come check that out after I finish watching Criss Angel walk between two buildings on thin air. Curing leprosy is pretty badass, but who has leprosy these days? Being able to cure leprosy is like being able to fix a musket. Update your shit, dude.
-Oh, we're not supposed to use your name in vain, God? Hey God, don't think of pie. You thought of it, didn't you! You made us, you should know that if you tell us there's one thing we can't do/think, we HAVE to do/think it. Why do you think Eve ate that fruit? Besides the fact that bitches be crazy, you put ONE tree in that garden that they couldn't eat from. Of COURSE they were going to eat from it! You don't have to be omnipotent to figure that out! And then you have the audacity to blame humans for it?! Dude, the second human you created messed up--maybe you should have made us better. If I started making microwaves, and the second one off the production line started malfunctioning, and then every single microwave after that had the same defects, I WOULD NOT BLAME THE MICROWAVES, I WOULD BLAME MYSELF! Jesus Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment