The White Boy Rap II: 60 Years Later (The Geezer Rap)

5 am, yo, I'm up out of bed,
While whipper snappers be sleepin', I'm gettin' ahead.
Applesauce, brown toast—breakfast is pimpin'
Struttin's for suckas, boy you know I be limpin'
I complain all the time and go off on rants
(don't mind that smell, I just crapped my pants).
So get off that skateboard, kid, do what you're told!
I don't give a fuck, 'cause I'm fuckin' old!


(Chorus)


All the seniors in the house say yeaaah! (what?)
I said all the seniors in the house say YEAAAH! (huh?)
You can't mess with me, no one compares;
I ain't scared of nothin' (except going down stairs).
I'm sharp as a tack, and I consider you lesser—
Unlike my hip, I don't crack under pressure.
So listen close kid, learn somethin' this time,
Because Alzheimer's isn't affecting this rhyme.


When it comes to gettin' ladies, I'm winning the race,
'cause I get lots of gum (and that means third base).
I got plenty of lines to get women galore,
Like, "it's time for my sponge bath and there's room for one more!"
There's Erma and Helen and the fine Mary Lou—
You love your grandma? Well I like her too.
You think she's so sweet? Boy, you're makin' me queasy.
Like my afternoon pills, she goes down real easy.


(Chorus)


Been spendin' most my life livin' in a geezer's paradise,
I'm like 2pac Shakur meets Bob Barker from The Price.
You've gotten shot? Gangsta please, you're a joke;
I've had two heart attacks and a serious stroke.
Now I spend my days just chillin' in the hood;
Not quite Compton, but still pretty good:
Golden Acres Old Folks home, the best place around,
"Were her tits reach her knees, and his balls touch the ground!"